Hopeless

I'm overeating again. I'm depressed. I just want to die. I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I should be happy but I'm not. I'm bingeing. I'm crying a lot. Maybe it has something to do with hormones. It is that time of the month when my hormones are surging.

I'm sad because I feel so ugly. I know I'm ugly. But tonight it's different because I really feel ugly. Knowing that you're ugly is different from feeling ugly. I feel ugly, I feel terrible.

I wish that I had the perfect skin or the best complexion. I wish that I was thin and lovely. But I'm not thin, perfect and lovely. I'm fat, ugly and imperfect. I have flaws. But tonight, I feel like I have more flaws.

I wish I had the perfect teeth or the perfect life. I wish I had nice eyebrows and a nice long nose. Instead I have a flat nose and crooked teeth. If I could afford plastic surgery I'd have one.

I know that envying other people is bad but I just can't help but envy people who have nice handsome rich husbands or girls who have nice perfect legs. I don't have that. I doubt I ever will. This realization makes me more depressed.

I'm hopeless and I know it.